respond to you….

Standard
I wanna clearify many things with you, already now…
I found you, because u woke my interest,
because I wanna break the rule of only guys approaching women,
till now, I was ignoring u because I never thought I could like u,
I havet to admit, I had the impression u were approaching me couple of times, but it took me a time to realize this…and maybe to give a chance to this “whatever”…
I was also ignoring you, because my “friend” is totally into you, so I respected her…
I did not wanted to be again a target of a rumour how I got interested into her sympathy/her boyfriend, who I counted to be my friend, and honestly I never felt more for him or had anything with him…
with you it’s different maybe, I do not know yet and I do not want to define it yet, as maybe it’s only an illusion,
but I know I wanna get to know you better to understand myself and yourself,
I approached you to break the rule “there is no friendship between women and men”, I believe THERE IS,
I have GUYS for friends and hopefully I will always have them! I am learning from them too!
I was ignoring u and please, do not judge me now for this,
as I wanna become very honest person and it’s very hard to be really honest,
but I know that’s the only way people can trust each other and rely on each other.
Please, try always to be honest with me too. I hope u will understand me.
I was ignoring you, because I never had an African, Indian, Asian looking boyfriend before,
I guess I was afraid to have “relationship” with other races, but I am challenging myself.
I am not a racist, I am very much interested in other cultures and people, otherwise I would not hangout with all those nations  and probably u realized this till now,
I know I only have to overcome some wrong parental/society influences that we are all unfortunately experiencing.
I do not believe that skin color matters,
I feel and I know what matters is the person I meet….I wanna trust to my own experiences.
I was ignoring u maybe, because u are coming from a country I had a boyfriend from
(he was the most spontaneous person I have ever met, but with the least feeling of responsibility, the worst time-management and scared of showing real feelings).
I let him go and I also had to look into myself, so I am ignoring these thoughts, as I wanna trust to my own experiences.
I already met one exception who showed me the opposite and I wanted to give you also a chance.
I was ignoring you, because u are ignoring me too and then I understood, this is very childish,
I am not like that, I don’t wanna play these games of being a cold, but in secret waiting for your respond.
I am asking you also not to be like that.
Today I finished my plans for tomorrow with my new born friend, agreed my babysitter and after I took my time to write you this long respond on your short “yes, no, messages or smileys”.
I hated this is all you can reply, but maybe you are not yet ready to open-up yourself, maybe I confused you now.
I wanted to tell u all the things that matter to me.
I was ignoring u because I did not felt being appreciated for my time today.
I have my life, just as you, doing things, I am not sitting and waiting for a person to reply or call, I have obligations, have a son, I have to do job searches, I clean, I wash, I cook, I sing, I dance, I write my blog, I meet my friend/-s, I have my OWN TIME, I am handing over my kid to his dad, taking him to ice-skating, arranging babysitter, I go for parties etc.
For me, it is just normal that I know what I am doing when and where (more or less).
I love spontaneity,
it was a spontaneous meeting with you the day we met and I do not regret it for at least two reasons:
I met a nice person in u.
Seemingly we have lots of in common, but probably also very different things in our heads.
I enjoyed the time we spent together.
I like that u are different.
And nevertheless, I avoided those two guys who are going for those language meetings/parties/gatherings to find girlfriends.
I respect other people time, but the time of those who are worth of and I am spending my time with those people who really want to have a quality time with me, they look for my company, they reply on my messages, they call me etc…
I make the same effort to those people, because I also care for them.
But, I am also selecting who I am with and when.
I hate when people are late and not showing up on time, of course, I know, there are unforceen situations –  it happens to me to be late, I am not perfect either.
I am a person messaging or calling if I am late, because I respect that persons.
I think you already experienced this and I appreciate that you responded in the same way.
I also know, troubles, stress, misunderstandings are happening if the timing and place was not well agreed, so I have to be flexible, because I cannot expect punctuality, if I was not clear what I want.
I learned to give instructions about the things I want and to compromise, when needed.
Btw. I do not really like one of those sports you play, but I accept it, as this is your hobby, you like it, and I do not want to generalize and label you. BUT, I am amazed about the other sport you are doing and
I wanna trust to my own experiences.
I am wondering whether u are still reading or you are commenting me: oh my God, she is crazy, avoid her! 🙂 honestly I don’t mind, u have your right for your opinion, but these things above are important to me.
The good’s about you:
You are different,
You are smiling,
I am sure you are a great dancer, though we never danced together,
You speak that nice language to me, now I know you are are a good listener and/or reader,
I like that you made steps too and reinforced me that u might like me in a way I am,
I like that I could take you into consideration to have you for a friend,
I like that you liked only one post of mine to give me a sign,
I liked that you gave me your phone number, and u made me to use my phone and call you instead of messaging me through social networking tools,
I liked that you called me,
I like that you prefer face to face talk,
I liked that you invited me to meet for a coffee and be your company,
I liked that you messaged me for being late and called me, as i felt respected,
I liked that you can say sorry and appologize for being late,
I liked that you offered to pay the bill, I wanna learn to accept from people, I am bad in that, I’d rather pay my bill, I always feel I owe them something, if someone tries to be nice with me,
I liked that you wanted to check on that place too, so you are spontaneous,
I liked that you wanted to check for that community – I did not like that u did not check on your own to have your own experience, BUT, I liked that u TRUSTED ME it’s not the place we want to get in,
I liked that you also enjoy being alone sometimes,
I liked that you could introduce me more into your culture, I wanna show you mine too,
I liked that you play with the idea to move abroad and you asked me if I feel the same,
I liked that you said you like to see and try out new things, I like too,
I liked that you have that one treasure too, so you know it’s not always easy, but it’s not that hard either,
I liked that u do not judge me for being separated and partying,
I like that you said “thank you” for providing you those informations you needed, I really hope you will use them!
And i could list more and
I hope I will learn more about you and add more things to this list…but, only if u remember the ones above!
otherwise, thank you for inspiring me to note this down…
****************************
 I am still amazed that I met and approached your daughter in that childcare last year in Summer without knowing it’s your child…u were present even there 🙂 it’s crazy
 and I hope getting rid of smoking habits goes well for you!
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