nyálas, oké? i don’t know how to translate this to English…

i found some expression for “nyálas” — cheesy?!
so, the title is “cheesy topic, okay?”
I am teasing my friend because he is opening up to his feeling so quickly each time he meets a girl,
and then I realized when I meet a person I might be interested more then in a friend I become similar,
I wanna give myself and then I scare them…I guess…
For couple of days all the time I was thinking something is wrong with me as for the first time in my life I opened up myself fully, trying not to keep inside feelings I felt I wanna share with the person i liked and I realized each time I try to be honest it ends with hurting myself.
But, what is wrong with giving yourself fully to the person from the first moment.
Should I really be patient and wait to gain the trust of the other people?
Why the person cannot trust me from the first moment, as I trust him? Why is so hard to accept my honest words?
Why we cannot share thoughts in a free way about ourselves, thoughts, hurts, pains, love etc…
Though I experience this in general now among the people in my surrounding…
And I am telling you now these:
Please, understand,  I am not the one from your previous date, life, relationship, marriage, etc.
And I am not offering chains, marriage, life long relationship (of course somewhere deep inside I wish that too, but…),
I need someone I can trust and I can rely on,
do you seek something similar, or?
I am not looking for a 24 hour person next to me – I need some of those hours for myself, my friends, my job etc. 😛
I am I.
YOU are YOU FOR ME, not my previous dates, life, relationships, marriage, parents, friends, collegues from job, fake friends, etc.
I really started to question myself, why is it bad to be myself and why should I stop myself from being myself, I don’t wanna be a different person for you, I do not wanna give you those spontaneous moments, because I see that’s the only thing you can offer me.
I wanna let you know I moved on when I realized it has no sense waiting, if you wanted you could have “take it”.
I will not run after you, as I do not feel/see the purpose of doing this for you anymore.
I was really interested in you and I enjoyed exploring new things about you each time we met.
It brings a smile on my face when I remember in a short period of time I found out many interesting things about you, and of course, some concerning…
But, I was even amazed sometimes.
I like people who can surprise me about themselves, they are not boring and they are a big adventurers and life explorers.
Some questions remained in me and they are reminding me for my future relationship/-s to observe and ask,
Tell me,
Do you want to open yourself fully and just be you in front of me?
What are you looking for?
Who are you looking for?
What do you want from me?
Are you looking for me?
I stop blaming myself for being impatient, I will keep offering my pure self, share nice feelings with the people that are worth of this.
And you, if this frightens you, please let’s not waste our time and just move on.
I do not wanna prove you I could be there for you anytime to trust and to rely on and justifying I am worth of your attention…
I have to admit the more I knew about you, the more I talked to you, the more I wanted to see you, to hug you, to touch you, just to tell you everything will be okay,
the wall you have surrounded yourself with was so high, I am not be able to build it down, I leave it on you.
I could not come close to you, I had a fear to ask you the questions above, I felt the distance, and I had the feeling if I make a step closer to you, I would screw up everything we had. Now I know those things that were scaring me, those are the steps I should have done earlier.
I was afraid to touch you, to hold your hand, to cuddle you.
I was happy each time you called me and I heard your laugh, voice on the phone and I know you felt the same.
I was afraid to do those thing with you that is so natural for me with other people, the things I do with my son, friends, acquitances, anyone. I could not relax in your company.
These fears now I know and thank you for facing me with them.
We have a different views on each other,
I liked the gut feeling I felt when I was in your company.
and “I punch from kindness, I kiss, I hug friends”.
And yes, I curse.
Pleased to meet you Mr. Perfect!
p.s. thanx for the coffee!
and I was glad you invited me to the theather! I was really interested to see you!
And u were such a good “illusion” while you were present in my life!
oh, btw. the childcare and the school I provided you with might be interested in your sport skills!
**They are also looking for a person in a child care to take care of the kids with English language skills, anyone any tips??

If u had a patient to read this blog, please have a patient to end this blog by reading the article below, I have nothing else to add to this:



One response »

  1. Reblogged this on karvakg and commented:

    anyone knows a kindergarten teacher with English skills (Hungarian is advantage, but as I realized kids are good in verbal communications, so I would not be concerned if the teacher lacks it)


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