let him go…

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another “let go”, another recognition, every person I meet brings me to conclusions what are those qualities I really felt true for myself and which are those I still have to “look for”, to recognise them, as they bring me an easiness and less stress in my next relationship. These are not expectations, but feelings-vibes (positive and negative) that make me feel I am or not with the right person. You are all my teachers and I am gratefull for that.

I realised each time I pick one of the songs to listen in my actual mood, the lyrics, the music, they just reflect the thoughts and feelings that are currently in my mind and my heart…here is today’s song, I am in a melancholy 🙂

The lyrics are something like this, i hope I did not miss the sense, correct me if needed (natives, teachears 😀

Someone else is huging my love….By Balkan Fanatik & Rajkó Zenekar

I smoked cigars and I burned my lips,

back at home someone else is huging my love,

someone else is huging him, and sitting in his laps,

someone else is winking into his light blue eyes.

I was happy only once in my life,

even then two tears ran out of my eyes,

I was crying from the happiness that he loves me,

And in a sorrow that he cannot be mine,

I was crying from the happiness he loves me,

And in a sorrow that he cannot be mine.

I was falling from one dream to the other,

Now, my love I will no longer take care of you,

I will not even remember you anymore,

Let Jesus pay for you kindness.

I will not even remember you anymore,

Let Jesus pay for you kindness.”

I am not gratefull to my parents in my life for many things, but I am so gratefull they thought me to love, listen and sing traditional music, this is one of the musics that touch my deepest inner soul and this is the song that reflects me this morning. I am repeatedly listening to it (as usual, min 20 times in a row 🙂

Today this song brings me waves of sad feelings on the surface, just in a right way. My tears are running through my face waking some deep burden feeling, but without knowing what’s the real sadness behind, triggered with the feelings to a person I met 2 days ago, someone who I cannot describe really, I am sad and I am glad at once. I am glad I could feel with him and he felt with me.

I cannot describe the feeling having someone next to you who has full acceptance and understanding for you, someone who you meet for the first time and has no objections on you, accepts you just as you are and even the silence with him is cheerfull,  our breathing was calming each other. We just layed huged and enjoyed the feeling for being so close to each other.

He is the first angel sent to me,

I could not believe he was so mature for his ages, so thoughtfull, gentle and carefull.

I met him by sudden, while looking for another person I met that night, while walking next to the bar we looked at each other.  I saw a beautifull blond, blue eyed “well-known smile” guy and handed my hand to him with a smile . I wanted you too feel man and leaving you the space to make a step toward me too. I “played” a little bit that I am not interested in you,  while wishing that you “hunt me”.

Something inside of me whispered, give him a chance and I stayed.

“Couple of minutes later I was taken with you fully. I still cannot believe how you resonated with my body, you knew exactly what you have to do with me in those moments we danced. Your kiss, your gentle massaging touch was releasing all the stress in my mind, head, back, neck. I even said to myself, this cannot be true, I felt like you have insight in my body flows and touching me right at the places I needed.

You thaught me that night how to be a woman in mans hands, I came to a realisation how much I had the leading roles in most of my life situations, relationships.

I never knew how to handover myself fully to a man, relax and just be sometimes a weak woman, I had to be a tough women as I was choosing weak men next to me.

I had to let go my illusion of a strong women and I allowed you to dance in your way, to move my body in your way and to relax in your hands, You gained my trust.

This meeting was ment to happen, you were one of those soulmates I would have earlier missed to meet in my life and I am so glad I looked around and let you close to myself.

After you left I bumped into this article…even this article is not sudden…”

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/01/your-soulmate-isnt-who-you-think-it-is/

And please do not listen to woman who say you are too much hugging, kissing, gentle, caring, they have no clue what they are missing and what love is! They are emotionally poor…

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