Zar bi mogla ti drugog voljeti….it’s just a Bosnian song that came to my mind…
I have a pain in my chest, my body is trying to give me some signs I cannot recognize or I am ignoring…
I assume it is the confusion about the big questions in life, about myself, about my wishes, longings.
I was neglecting my souls wish for too long, now it is beating me harder then ever. It’s more and more getting crystalized what my innerself is trying to tell me, while my mind is blocking me and shouting at me, you are irresponsible again, how’d you think you will survive the upcoming period, how will you pay off your rental fee, like there is no option to look at the things from another perspective. How about this, what if I get that modeling job in Moscow? What if I do not get it now, but I will get another opportunity in the upcoming weeks? What if I apply for a singing contest and I win it? Oh reader, do not get bothered, I hear my mind also telling me ironically: “common, for sure you will win any contest”.
What if I just listen to myself once, for real and whatever happens?
I hear from all sites, artistic life is hard and not easy to survive, I start to believe, while I could also reply to myself and them: “hey, you think it is easy to survive in the business world, good job just lands in your lap? (of course there are exceptions) Nothing is easy, if there is no target or focus to do it. And now you see, I know all these things in theory and I am sure I can do it, but I will need a lot to network, learn, read yet…and I am afraid, honestly.
In the upcoming weeks I will have to learn lots of lyrics and try to get in contact with musicians, bands to sing.
People, invite me for concerts, jammings, please make me to sing, I have to overcome my fear from doing it.