She woke up this morning thinking of the things he said…
“We never had a relationship, why would i have to introduce you to my friends, anyway you met couple of them.”
It was just another prove he never took her seriuosly and how egoist he was. They were not in a relationship, but he was angry with her about the people she was meeting??? Oh to specify, the men (he did not approve, she guessed)
She remembered, he wanted to know her adventures. She never understood why. He told her it excites him.
In reality he got mad and told about her very bad things *without real basis.
He saw her on a coffee with someone and he went crazy?!
He was fake and he had no rights to do that. She was not his posession, never was and never will be.
She was faithful, even when she told him things to hurt him, it was a way of defending herself and showing him how hurted she was.
He told her you think i would marry a women like you? She knew he just wanted to hurt her and…
She was shocked on herself, as she never considered she would wanna marry him…it was a realization that surprised her.
They never had a relationship (as he stated), how came the idea of the marriage onto his mind?
Since then she is trying to summarize positive things into his account, but it does not work, she got hurted a lot and she understood how much energy she wasted and invested in this non-relationship (as he clearly confirmed in the end, she wished he said these earlier).
She does not want a man who is hurting and insulting her,
She did not want a man calling her drunk in the night to tell her he misses her, while for many days he was “busy”,
She does not want a man who wants her to change her plans to meet him, while not doing the same (this is a repetition)
She does not want a man whose life is only about sex, sordid things (he liked using this expression), he was kinda proud on himself,
She does not want a man who thinks every man she is meeting she FUCKS (he lacked English expressions, she guesses, to express himself maybe in a nicer way or he was only reflecting on himself?)
She does not want a man whose priority is to have an open relationship, instead of building a TRUST and bonding,
She does not want a man who is a liar,
She does not want a man who cannot take the initiative and change things in his life, but lives in his conformity even feeling bad in the situation, and convincing her this is the right way,
She does not want a man that approves only his own convictions, she had that once already…for 15 years!
She does not want a man who wants to change her,
She does not need a man anymore that does not want to participate in her everyday life, he did not know anything about her struggles, issues, everyday problems…
She does not want a man who is telling her he loves her and the next day goes to another women,
No man that still lives with an ex-girlfriend, while telling her there is nothing between them. He acted as he is married to her. He was afraid of her as from the devil and was giving to her opinion a lot. He could end up in the street if she would see him with another women, she guessed. He was not capable even to find himself a flat to rent and he did not wanted, why would he change anything. He had a roof above his head and if he got no catch for the night, at least there was one women at home waiting for him on a regular basis. He was using her. She has a great network of influental people for advancing his career…good luck to him and it sucks the way he is doing it.
She does not want a man who never apologizes for his own actions, but expects to apologize for her mistakes,
She was ready to apologize, HE never admitted he is wrong in anything.
She does not want a man that cannot understand her imperfections,
She does not want a man that plays jelaousity with no rights (no relationship, right?) even she liked when he was jelaous, because those moments were approvals he had some feelings for her…
She realized she would probably never wanted to have a man like him for a life partner.
Marriage? She still tries to understand why he mentioned this? He was already “married”, he behaved like a married man anyway.
Some men think this is a point where they can hurt the most a women by telling her they would never marry her?
Well, not her, he really did not know anything about her. She was once married for 15 years, she got a life experience (unfortunately still not understood some things about man and her own need).
Actually it was the point that she stepped back and said: why she never thought of him as a future longterm partner/husband?
There was no need to answer this…
She is still not angry at him.
He never believed her for months she was interested only into him,
He never believed and trusted her,
Before they split she told him she wants to hurt him badly, because she felt betrayed. She was not serious about it, it was just a way to defend her feelings. He took her granted, because he believed only in her “bad” words, after all these months he did not know her. This is how she was always defending herself ..hurting by words, not by actions…that was her imperfection.
She could hug him – sometimes she felt him as he was a lost child – and tell him she is sorry that things did not work, she told him so many times they are not ment for each other, but he kept coming back to her convincing her they can work, he did not wanted to let her go. She knew they had different values, and she was getting more stressed and anxious.
He did not wanted to understand they had different view on relationships…
It hurts when you like someone and you realize this person does not want to put the effort to make it work, just pushes you to do things in his own way…
This is where relationships starts to fall apart…
they both have to learn and grow yet, but not by being next to each other…
*p.s. the picture is not my property, i took it from a Facebook post.